{"id":20909,"date":"2012-09-20T00:01:30","date_gmt":"2012-09-19T14:31:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/?p=20909"},"modified":"2012-09-25T09:13:45","modified_gmt":"2012-09-24T23:43:45","slug":"worst-film-week-movie-review-battlefield-earth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/2012\/09\/20\/worst-film-week-movie-review-battlefield-earth\/","title":{"rendered":"Movie Review – Battlefield Earth"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/h2>\n
\n

– Summary –<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Director :<\/strong>\u00a0 Roger Christian
\nYear Of Release :<\/strong>\u00a0 2000
\nPrincipal Cast :\u00a0 <\/strong>John Travolta, Forest Whitaker, Barry Pepper, Kim Coates, Richard Tyson, Kelly Preston, Sabine Karsenti.
\nApprox Running Time :<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 118 interminable minutes
\nSynopsis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Aliens rule the Earth and have subjugated humanity – until one bright dude decides to fight back.
\nWhat we think :<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Read Al’s review, and you’ll get some idea.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

**********************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Knowing what worst writers we are being, The Rod was nice enough to invite me and my frenemesis Saint Pauly [St Pauly’s article is coming up later today – Ed.]<\/strong><\/em> to contribute to this year\u2019s Worst Film Week<\/strong>. Saint Pauly and\u00a0I decided to pick up the gauntlet and look at it and wonder what a gauntlet was and then throw it in the bushes. Then we decided to challenge each other to find The Worst Movie Ever.<\/p>\n

Here is my contribution. I think it\u2019s obvious who the winner of the losers are.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ramblings: Star Whores
\n<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Final Proof: 1
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"You know how you get drunk with a 5-year-old? He drinks spiked apple juice and draws with crayons gripped in his pudgy fist even if he isn\u2019t\u00a0 that good of a drawer to begin with because he\u2019s\u00a0 5 and good at different things like recess, but he\u2019s drunk and the picture sucks and the idea is the same crap idea every toddler has except poorly executed and while he draws he hits his second bottle and babbles on about dinosaurs and people and monsters and it makes no kind of sense, but he gets so into it he starts screaming at you and now you understand why the minimum drinking age is 21 and why kids\u2019 stories aren\u2019t novelized and why their pictures aren\u2019t made. Too bad the same patronizing dismissal wasn\u2019t made of Battlefield Earth<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

At first i didn\u2019t get this movie at all because, you know me (and if you don\u2019t then believe the hype), i\u2019m as bright as Snooki in a Black Hole. It took me\u00a0\u00be’s of the movie to realize this whole movie was a parable of Scientology. \u00a0For example, there is nothing at all even remotely redeemable about this movie. Just like Scientology! And the Evil Alien Race is known as Psychlos, which is very close to \u201cpsychos\u201d, which is a synonym for\u2026Scientology! More proof? Who plays the Head Evil Alien Psychlo? John Travolta! A Scientologist!<\/p>\n

Seen from this angle, the movie is still total crap. The directing pales in comparison to Road Runner cartoons, the sets came from the original Batman<\/em> TV show, the acting reeks of Power Ranger Theater, the film is scripted by a roomful of monkeys high on skank marijuana with a storyline badly copied from the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes<\/em>, costumes by GI Joe paper dolls, and makeup by preteen boys with shoplifted Wall-mart cosmetics. Still, if you understand all of this is a reflection of Scientology, then you can at least have a good laugh finding out what it\u2019s like to watch hard sects.<\/p>\n

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Sex: 0 Shots
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

You know how i know Travolta is a sick bastard? He made his wife act in this disastrous movie\u2026and he made us us watch.<\/p>\n

Drink: 0 Shots
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

The only drinking in this movie is the drinking you\u2019ll wish you\u2019d done beforehand to numb you up or pass you out for the duration of this chainsaw root canal.<\/p>\n

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

The action was all downhill, literally, because director Roger Christian decided to film every scene at an angle. Roger Ebert said it<\/a> close to better than me when he said<\/p>\n

\n

The director, Roger Christian<\/a>, has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And the soundtrack? The music sounds like a guitar being bludgeoned to death. By a bass drum. In a bathroom stall. In Hell.<\/p>\n

Bottom Line<\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re one of those who likes to say \u201cThere is no way that could happen\u2026\u201d during a movie, this is the one for you. Also, if you\u2019re one of those who likes to say, \u201cThis movie sucks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

– Summary – Director :\u00a0 Roger Christian Year Of Release :\u00a0 2000 Principal Cast :\u00a0…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":143,"featured_media":22487,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[332,18,246],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20909","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2012-worst-film-week","category-movie-review","category-worst-film-weeks"],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used.jpg",1179,709,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-500x280.jpg",500,280,true],"medium":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-660x365.jpg",660,365,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-768x462.jpg",640,385,true],"large":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-840x709.jpg",640,540,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used.jpg",1179,709,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used.jpg",1179,709,false],"covernews-featured":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used.jpg",1024,616,false],"covernews-medium":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used.jpg",540,325,false],"profile_24":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-24x24.jpg",24,24,true],"profile_48":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-48x48.jpg",48,48,true],"profile_96":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-96x96.jpg",96,96,true],"profile_150":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"profile_300":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-300x300.jpg",300,300,true],"sow-carousel-default":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/Battlefield-Earth-2000-original-screen-used-272x182.jpg",272,182,true]},"author_info":{"display_name":"Al K Hall","author_link":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/author\/al-k-hall\/"},"category_info":"2012 Worst Film Week<\/a> Movie Review<\/a> Worst Film Weeks<\/a>","tag_info":"Worst Film Weeks","comment_count":"12","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20909","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/143"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20909"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20909\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22487"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20909"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20909"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20909"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}